Why even bother?

Ya know, over these past few months, I have endured a great deal of stress. Between all the jail drama, trying to maintain a decent GPA (14 credit hours), knowing that my only source of income, my unemployment is about finished, taking care of my child, knowing that the majority of both sides of the families DGAF, paying bills on time, knowing that the car I just bought is falling a part, and all my own medical issues, I have a lot on my plate.

In times of great stress you come to learn who the true people in your life are. And you learn which ones are just in it for some good gossip. From both sides, I often have been asked "Dawn, why are you so worried about M? You have a life, he created his own problems, move on with yours and forget about it."

This both bewilders me, and angers me. Yes, M can be a dick. He ran away from his problems and now his family (us) are paying for it. But then again, I have done some pretty stupid shit too. Lied about paying bills on time, for example. Got us into near financial ruin that M had to dig us out of. We both are the types that like to hide from drama if we can.
But, in the end, asshole or not, problems or not, the only consistent person in my life for the past 7 years has been him. Sure, we fight. We threaten to break up. We have smashed some ashtrays. But the man is the first person to hold me silently while I cry over work drama. He rubs my shoulders without asking when he knows my back and neck are too swollen to move. When I am crying over something stupid, he knows just what stupid silly thing to say to get my tears to turn into a smile. He never fails to forget my weekly tv schedule, or for that matter, ask me to miss a show. He never bitches at me when I leave clothes in the washer for too long.

What I am saying is, no, we are not perfect. We both screw up. He has made me cry. And yes, I have made him cry. But in the end, he is ALWAYS there to help me pick up the pieces. When my family bowed out, he told me we would start our own holiday traditions, and stuck to it. We finish eachother's sentences. We have our own weird semi-secret language that nobody gets but we can talk in it all day and completely understand what the other is saying.

He tells me every day how beautiful I am, without fail. He never leaves the house without a kiss, and not just a tiny peck. I can read in his eyes how much he truly loves me. So now that he is gone, and suffering and in pain, I suffer along with him. He is my other half. He is the ONLY person in the world that I can tell EVERYTHING to, even when I want to bitch about him. He listens. Then he may tell me what he dislikes about me, and then we laugh and kiss and start to smile again.

So no, my life can't move on without him. I have good people in my life who care about me, but without him, I am not whole. Yes, this is sappy and disgusting and probably makes you want to puke, but I can honestly say after 7 years, I still don't feel right when he is not around.

Some people may not understand this. You may say I am young, naive, whatever. If it came down to it, I could pick up and go and of course I ALWAYS put our child first. But I would just like to clarify that I firmly believe that family needs to stick together no matter what problem arises. And guess what..family isn't always the blood bond you are born into.